三少四壯集-通

三少四壯集-通 – 中時電子報

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三少四壯集-通

2015年05月29日 04:10

中國時報
吳鈞堯

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2/10

它們昇華為一首歌,那旋律是海,轟隆轟隆,那旋律是鐵,鏽冷了,再敲出來時,有著氧化的氣味。聞起來像淚、像血。它們排列在白底的公佈欄上,它們的海,不再藍。有些年後,碉堡已塌倒,駐軍遠撤,不再有阿兵哥著草綠與海青,經過屋後的小路。小路一邊面海,但沒有走向海邊的路,而是斷崖。遠望去,崖、海接連,崖壁上邊就是海。彷彿輕移一小步,即能踏上海陸的交疊處。那是時空的障眼術,必須更近些、更近一些,才能發現凶險。在那同時,海變大了,一汪無垠,藍洋洋,如果沒有戰爭與軍艦,那會是許多匹藍色的馬。

三少四壯集-通 - 中時電子報

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三少四壯集-通

2015年05月29日 04:10

中國時報
吳鈞堯

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點閱1138

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2/10

它們昇華為一首歌,那旋律是海,轟隆轟隆,那旋律是鐵,鏽冷了,再敲出來時,有著氧化的氣味。聞起來像淚、像血。它們排列在白底的公佈欄上,它們的海,不再藍。有些年後,碉堡已塌倒,駐軍遠撤,不再有阿兵哥著草綠與海青,經過屋後的小路。小路一邊面海,但沒有走向海邊的路,而是斷崖。遠望去,崖、海接連,崖壁上邊就是海。彷彿輕移一小步,即能踏上海陸的交疊處。那是時空的障眼術,必須更近些、更近一些,才能發現凶險。在那同時,海變大了,一汪無垠,藍洋洋,如果沒有戰爭與軍艦,那會是許多匹藍色的馬。

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我們走近崖壁不為了它的凶險,是為了海。海是大版的浮雕,刻有漁船、軍艦跟運補船等,它們參差排列如星斗,靜默移動猶如不動。我們瞇眼。我們是船艦的父親、母親、弟弟、妹妹,估量著我們的兒子、女兒、兄姊,乘哪艘浮動的鋼鐵,回抵一座號稱鋼鐵的金門島。我們壓低碉堡前,遮掩視線的相思樹,春天時,它開著黃色的花蕊,但此時已是嚴冬,行將過年,它什麼花都不開,細瘦的葉子已經落盡,它沒有金龜蟲棲息,它只能等待春天。我們比相思樹幸運。我們有海跟船可以期待。所以關於春天,我們就算了。我們把它留給不知道戰爭的相思樹。有些年後,我到高雄讀大學。校園面對西子灣。我騎車到高雄港,尋找七○年代末,我登陸的碼頭;但不記得了,除非我再顛簸三十個小時,再暈、再吐、再眩,才能找到暈轉不已的碼頭。沒有暈轉的啟示,陸地都是矇騙人的。我在靠海的學校度過四年。海也有斷崖,而且有名字,叫做柴山。海那邊沒有歸人,居民們不眺望海,而習慣看路,有時候用聽的更準,辨識著機車與轎車的排氣聲。我看著海。海上的鋼鐵更鋼了。一艘比一艘大。它們聚散五大洋,有的來自我的故鄉。船艦從料羅灣出發,當它向左看,當不見斷崖與碉堡,也看不到烏壓壓擠做一團的村人跟我。時光與崖壁一起崩毀了。崩毀,原是真相一種。又,有些年後,我應邀回西子灣參加講座,在管學院長廊,看見一個女孩的畫。四張畫,四格時空,交代著她與男友的識、戀、離,以及比思念更複雜的思念。它們的排列像星斗,只是一經移動,再回不到初初的時空。它們已堅硬為各自的鋼鐵。它們溶化了。它們昇華為一首歌,那旋律是海,轟隆轟隆,那旋律是鐵,鏽冷了,再敲出來時,有著氧化的氣味。聞起來像淚、像血。它們排列在白底的公佈欄上,它們的海,不再藍。女孩畫她自己,意識著還是潛意識?海,黑與白;人,僅有側面。原來,我走到屋後的碉堡,壓低相思樹,以便看見更大的海時,這幅畫,就飄移在料羅灣的海上了。那同樣是,為了對付更長的以及更纏綿的告別,我們必須更靠近斷崖,必須更溫熱地貼近凶險。與父母搭軍艦登陸高雄港時,我暈眩了,不禁問父母親,台灣的陸地難道是海,或是一座更巨大的鋼鐵?父母親笑我傻。我與弟弟跳啊跳,不為了興奮,而為驅散不舒服的暈眩。我們的跳躍沒有定格為幾張畫,它垂直地往下掉、往下掉。它,來不及有聲音,卻在有些年之後,我聽見了。,

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